Single Reviews – ~ 9th Feb 2009: “Chart Music”

Single Reviews – ~ 9th Feb 2009: “Chart Music” Posted by Gargleman

Family friendly hip hop? Shiiiiiiiiit!

This week we feature that guff that you’ll hear if you listen to daytime radio: so-called “chart music”.

A dribble of wet R&B that’s everything you’d expect from a former member of Mis-Teeq, this is utterly tedious and sadly already successful. Still, she does writhe around in skimpy clothes in front of a dance pole in the promo video, which is hot. In fact, it would be worth watching one-handed if it wasn’t for the outfit she wears, which has so many sequins that I became snow-blind and convinced she was actually a ladyboy. Shiiiiiiit!

Innerpartysystem – Don’t Stop

Emo music is shit. But thankfully Don’t Stop isn’t typical emo shite – lots of energy, good video, and even a smidgen of originality.

Morrissey – I’m Throwing My Arms Around Paris

I used to work in a pub and recall once serving the BNP-echoing miserablist a pint, which he only drank half of. I can’t stand anyone who wastes beer, or makes increasingly piss-poor songs over a twenty year period. Nauseatingly shit.

N-Dubz – Strong Again

In their own words: “We make songs for your mum, your dad and your nan”. Hip hop for families? Urgh. They should be ashamed. Don’t click the link, you’ll only encourage them!

New Kids On The Block – 2 In The Morning

Tedious shit.

So, there is more, but as I looked down the rest of the list, I realise that I have no interest in mocking second rate MOR shite. I also realised that this is going to be posted two days later than these singles “official” release date, (never mind that release dates are pretty much academic in these digital times, or that even hit singles now sell only a small handful) so I am clearly too slack to attempt to write about things in a timely manner.

So – next week – Nomad shall turn to reviews of better music. Probably by label or some other non-time-dependant categorisation. Though if its shit, we’ll still say so. Promise.

Release info came from www.chartsingles.net