Great Battles of Modern Life: Athlete’s Foot vs Sexual Paranoia Posted by Gargleman

I’m on a trip to the Lake District.

It is November and raining almost continuously.

I’ve brought two pairs of shoes with me, both of which are full of holes. One of them starts squelching like a wet fart when I walk. I need new shoes.

We pass a shoe-shop on the way to Sedbergh that promises “top brands at 50% off”. (Translation: “We sell Hi-Techs for more money than you’d pay in Harrods”)

I’m desperate, so I squelch into the shop, leaving my wife hiding from the rain in the car. Now, in order to get new shoes I’m going to have to try them on. My feet, however, are literally soaking.

Option 1: Use the shop sock when trying on shoes.
Option 2: Try to select some shoes without letting the assistant near my feet.

Let us examine these two terrifying possibilities: › Continue reading